The scorching heat from the sunlight, the gusty wind making its way to her lungs, the infuriating beggars’ continued calls and the whirlpool of those disturbing thoughts in her mind; were all the reasons enough for her to explode those nerves out of her brain.
But ‘as calm as a summer sea’ was her composure amidst all the convulsing activities in and around her. One characteristic she was highly proud of and was a fruit of her 3-year-long, otherwise disappointing relationship. Patience; like a badge she carried it everywhere on her personality.
“Deepa’s patience is one to pursue from!”
“My God Deepa! Sometimes I wonder how you even maintain such composure despite so much happening around!”
“I wish even I had as much patience as Deepa”; phrases she had often come around from people she knew.
Innumerous hours and 5 cups of coffee later, she simply couldn’t take it anymore. Clenching her fists tight and closing her eyes for a moment, another cup of coffee was what she decided to go with.
That smile on the face of her beloved. That innocence he feigned after all his mistakes. That composure he maintained at her anger pangs. That tranquil air he carried wherever he went. That love only she could see in his eyes. These were the reasons enough for her to not let him go, to not let anger overpower that love.
She knew he was disturbed, she knew he was busy, she knew he was tensed and above all, she knew he loved her. A fact she has never even doubted once. She has never regretted giving him that second chance, she never did and she knew she never will.
Today 40 years later, revisiting those old memories and watching the same man snoring peacefully, securing her tightly in his arms brought tears to her eyes. The tears were not a sign of happiness, or achievement, or love but a disappointment. Disappointment for not being able to entrust the same patience she was so proud of, onto her daughter.
5 years, 3 different guys, 3 separated relationships! And she was not happy.
Patience is not a virtue. Patience is not a quality. Patience is the strength that binds and upholds two souls in moments of absolute tribulations. Patience is what keeps you going in spite of all those odds. It is not the love that dies but the patience that we ourselves decide to kill thus murdering that very relationship. That will to try just once more is sometimes all you need to save what’s the most difficult to find, even more difficult to preserve.
Watching her daughter marry the love of her life, raising her own family and laughing her heart out was and still is a wish. An unfulfilled wish which she patiently waits to be fulfilled.
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