Akshi Ranka If you have to do these then it’s not really a relationship June 10, 2017

The term ‘relationship’ doesn’t only imply romantic bonds. The term covers every bond existing between two or more people. So, when we talk about relationships, we may talk about a connection between two friends, between a couple, a mother and a daughter, siblings, anyone.

Now, being familiar with the uncanny ways of the world and individual differences; we already know the many emotional hither-tithers that brew in a relationship. And, we may also be aware of the fact that handling any relationship is mostly a challenge while also being an adventure.

Since there is another person involved with you in a relationship, there’s bound to be clashes of opinions, beliefs and understanding. After all, not everyone thinks like you or sees and feels the same as you. So, there comes in your ability to sacrifice and adjust your ways to fit in, which is inevitable and completely necessary. However, there’s a ‘but’ that intrudes here.

If you have to do these in a relationship

Making adjustments and changes in your lifestyle or yourself as a person is normal to a certain extent. All the people in a relationship need to sacrifice bits to accommodate well within the circle. But, if you engage into any of the things listed below then you’re not a part of a relationship but a destructive label titled ‘relationship’.

IF YOU’RE DEGRADING INSTEAD OF GROWING

Every person has something to teach you and hence every relationship has heaps to teach you. But, if those lessons are not benefiting and instead dragging you down then it’s time to reevaluate some things.

IF YOU’RE DOWNRIGHT TRANSFORMING

As mentioned earlier, bringing about little changes to yourself or to your life is a part of every relationship. Now, what’s toxically wrong about the changes is when you begin transforming the very core of your personality. Of course, you can change a specific trait or behaviour but not the qualities that make you ‘you’.

IF YOU’RE NOT LENDING AN EAR OR NOT GETTING ONE

More than having a shoulder to cry on, what we are in desperate need of these days is a listener. Most people want nothing but a person to listen to them. Naturally, you’re bound to expect people you share a close bond with to do that for you. If you’re not getting that or are not lending an ear, then there’s hardly any value to your relationship.

If you have to do these in a relationship

IF YOU’RE NOT CONFRONTING BUT HOLDING IT IN

Clashes and misunderstandings fit into relationships as well as love and understanding do. They are basic and almost crucial for a bond to mature in time. However, if something begins to bother you more than it should, confrontation is the key. If you’re unable to make confrontations and are forced to keep it all in, for be it any reason, then you might want to rebuild that foundation.

IF YOU’RE ARGUING INSTEAD OF TALKING

If talking always morphs into arguing and neither of the parties is ready to back down or understand; then there are serious and practical conversations that need to take place to turn that toxic relationship to a real relationship.

IF YOU’RE UNABLE TO BE YOURSELF

Every relationship is different and every person evokes different versions of you to surface. That’s okay and normal. But, if a relationship makes you swap your personality with a strange, unreal being who is only pretending to be you then sit straight and speak up.

IF YOU’RE DREADING BEING AROUND THAT PERSON

Friendships have transitional phases but if you reach a phase where as much as you try, you absolutely dread and stress over spending time with that person in a relationship, then something is not right.

You can only fix all of the above by speaking up calmly and also by accessing your own behaviour while you do so with others.

Pursuing Masters in Literature and hold a keen interest in the subject of psychology. I live on books, writing, art, cooking and binge watching TV shows. Expressing thoughts on universal topics is my hobby, though one thing is for certain. I write better than I talk.

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