The big fat Indian marriage is all about pomp and lavishness. It’s a desperate bid to show off all the wealth that has been accumulated over years, which culminates into one dream to get your child married. What is this obsession that Indians have about marriage? Though, lately some or many young women and men prefer to be single.
Surprisingly, lot of young men and women in rural areas too prefer being single. The Socio-economic and Caste Census (SECC) 2015 reveals that 40% of people in rural areas prefer to be single. The stark truth is that marriages in India are more about the exchange of wealth than the meeting of two minds.
Here is how Indian marriages go:
‘Oh! It’s the boy’s family which is going to come to see my girl. So get into that red dress and look great. You should be able to impress the guy and his family.’
Damn! Looks like the girl is on sale. Why does she have to look her best, can’t she just be herself? The discussion in an arranged marriage set-up goes something like this, ‘The boy’s father has a flourishing business. They have a huge bungalow and servants to take care of everything. You will live like a queen there.’
Even as the proposals are screened the first thing that is checked is the financial stability. The whole family is drawn into the decision.
Ideally, the girl and the boy should meet and decide how they connect. Consequently, the families can meet. Lately, the younger generation is preferring and choosing this modus operandi. Let me tell you it is disgusting when the boy’s family comes home to ‘see the girl’. Looks like a price tag is attached to her and the boy as well.
The boy’s parents are more interested in how much dowry they can extract from the girl’s family. Even in case of love marriage, the parents make sure that their demands are fulfilled unless the boy puts his foot down and refuses to make the marriage an extravagant event.
Marriages in India are not about the meeting of souls and meeting of two minds. We here in India proudly say, ‘Marriage is about meeting of two families.’ Well, it is because each party is worried about how much wealth the other family possess. A modern way of extracting dowry is ensuring if the girl is working and has a big fat salary. Looks like it’s a dowry with monthly instalments.
May it be a marriage from any economic strata of Indian society, the focus is on the property, house, job, etc, I mean to say the financial aspects of the two families. The financial stability is ensured and then the conversations go ahead. Well, this is necessary but, shouldn’t be the deciding factor.
What if the guy is loaded with cash (financially secure) but, doesn’t respect the girl? Who will bear the consequences of a knot that is tied between two completely different individuals? Why would a woman bear being disrespected? Just because he earns well? But, otherwise he is a butthead? What kind of a choice is this? And the same goes in terms of the girl.
The younger generation is choosing to fall in love, know each other and then get married. But, even while they do this in most of the cases the criterion is still the financial stability. Everyone would love to have a partner who earns really well. Not that this is a crime but, again if this is the criterion then you are in for a surprise each day of your dating sessions.
The base of marriages is understanding, connecting and wanting to spend the rest of your life with the person. So this should be the first thing on your checklist rather than other things. If you haven’t checked on this yet, then you are in a soup. This is a recipe for a sure shot unsuccessful marriage.
Even when you go shopping you take so much time to choose something. So, ideally if you are choosing your life partner you should take enough time and should feel confident. There is no guarantee that a marriage will last, the only premonition is the level of understanding and the love you have for each other. If these both things fade the marriage is sure to collapse. Arguments, fights are all a part of marriage but, the bottom line is you want to be with your partner for the rest of your life.
Today life is fast, priorities change and people move on. There is nothing wrong in it, but the way we look at marriages has to go beyond the parameters we presently consider. The crux of a relation should be love and understanding. Marriages are that simple why make them complicated.