We, human beings, are complicated. Though, the tenets of our existence are simple. Like they say, love and sunshine conquer all. Is it so difficult to find these two nuances? Sunshine, we well know, is abundantly available for all of us. But love, as we know only too well, comes only for a lucky few.
Those who are loved are different from those who do not have this vital vitamin in their lives. They feel light, cheerful, joyous, perhaps aren’t much moody or anxious, are bonny and bright, and rarely get depressed. Those who do not get the love in their lives seem tired, unhappy, lethargic, anxious, upset, and even lonely. All these said observations are purely personal though, they do ring a bell of truth when anyone is true to themselves and to their heart, soul, and mind. Is it not?
If one is unloved, depression may set in much easier in such individuals. And this happens because they feel an inherent sense of being discarded. They feel left out, their internal wounds run deep, and it brings in a sense of feeling very unworthy and as if they are like trash. The waves of self-pity lash at them with so much angst that they just get washed away with all their might and fury.
The spirit of isolation hits them so bad that they get totally swept away with its depressed meanderings. They feel as if their lives have no meaning, no value, and no credence for anyone. Their mental image of themselves takes a real beating. The strings of bonding are so frail in their beings, that they break easily.
That brings me to the point.
Discardment brings the sense of trash. And when someone feels that they are trash, they might also feel that the world they live in doesn’t need them.
There’s no denying that the roots of depression are actually deeper and it’s all around us that we don’t see, we don’t check and we don’t realise.
What then is the solution to this issue? Why must some of us be mirthful and all spirited, and the rest grumpy and frumpy enough to even end their existence? It is this realization that must dawn on us that we need to care. We need to have a spirit which is giving and forgiving, especially for those of us whose lives we touch. It is actually a sad state of affairs that we do not give much thought for those who live in our midst.
Intense love does not measure, it just gives, said Mother Teresa.
We can do something potent and powerful for those who are right beside us. Our conscience needs to be awakened to the sensibilities of those who matter. We should empathize and sympathize with our own; with those who we can actually do something about. We make a mockery of them by ignoring their needs, wishes, and wants. So, should we turn a blind eye to those who we can help? Should we be so self-centered or stone-hearted?
Mother Teresa is known to have said, “being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.” She has also said, “even the rich are hungry for love, for being cared for, for being wanted, for having someone to call their own.”
We cannot encroach upon or make a large difference to the scores of lives we are not in regular contact with. But, we can make provide a magical touch to those lives which are right beside us. The rest is all idle talk and tall ravings.
What kind of a person does it make me if I do the talking on social media about someone unknown to me sitting in a faraway land while my own mother is feeling isolated and uncared for by her own son? This is what we do not realize. The power of healing those who are right beside you; the shout we really need to give out, the calling that is asking you.
So think, who’s to blame? Before you answer, note, not everyone belongs to “us”, but so to say, everyone will relate to “us”.
Depression is a challenging malady. There are many who fall prey to depression and to uphill, sad times. And it can be dealt with by those who are close to us, and who make it a point to not ignore us or our calls out for attention and love. They do not disregard them as melodrama or stage-managed emotions.
For instance, if I can be available to an ailing grandmother for just half-hour each day, she is certain to come out of the blues all by herself just because of this nourishing care which comes to her regularly. Soon, she will need no lotions or potions for curing her downhill mood swings. Doctors say depression could be due to lack of proper nutrition, or even due to the genes. But all of them agree on a notion that the dance of the hormones which run amok in our systems and bring in this ailment would soon stop if we have someone with us, ready with a smile, and a prayer on his or her lips. So, at the end of the day, why can I not be that special someone with fairy dust in her hands, ready to spray it on to my depressed partner, child, or parent?
Isn’t it the lack of conscience that it’s us who discard, just where the depression perhaps starts growing, otherwise, the other person is already suffering?
The wise men of yore say that if we cannot make someone feel important enough, at least we should not make them feel less important. Even flowers react to the power of positivity. Take a sunflower, it will turn its head towards the rays of the sun wherever you place it. Why does it so? The warmth of the light makes it feel like coming close to it.
We, human beings, are no different. If we are given an envelope of love and care, we will connect with it, and will flower under its radiance. All our worries, pain, and sorrows will evaporate with the glowing touch of someone, somewhere, who cares.
That’s it. That’s all that is wanted. A few looks of affection given in our direction. And here we are, all sorted for the rest of the day at least, ready to take on whatever it is that providence has in mind for us. Hence, beware. Beware that depression is a deathly issue and one which can show its vicious pangs anywhere, anytime. It can steal in on us and catch us unawares. If yesterday it was the lady living down the lane who was diagnosed with it, it could well be my turn tomorrow.
It’s time to check with why we fail to acknowledge someone who is so close to us yet we make him feel so far. And to stay true to the core, discarding someone isn’t any kind of a choice that could be preferred for our own good, for their good or for any good. Rather, let me get it straight, it’s just not right at all.
There’s a need to be that giving person who happens or doesn’t happen to have an inner circle of kith, kin, and friends to call his own, but is giving.
For instance, those who will notice that today you have missed a meal and should be fed the next one properly. Those who will not turn a blind eye to a rough patch of skin on your left cheek; or those who have noticed that you have missed your morning walk for the fourth consecutive day. And you, in turn, can do the same for them. Notice them. Take stock of what they eat. The way they laugh and smile. And, more importantly, comment on something gone amiss. It will make them feel treasured, it will make them feel good about themselves.
They will feel wanted, which, at end-point, is what we all humans wish to feel. Wanted; Protected; Cared for; Attended to. And depression – well, there it goes straight into the garbage can itself!
That’s all about it. The roots are there, but nobody said, it can’t be crushed. It’s just we spot them at the very right moment. That’s it.
(With inputs from Ayush Garg).
Crafted with brevity for select stories to make certain you see what others don't; sent every Friday
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